When I heard a commercial for the new Oscar Mayer “Fast Franks” I thought I was hearing things. Who needs a hotdog in a bun, all in one, ready to eat in 35 seconds? I mean, do we really need a friggin’ hotdog in 35 seconds? I think that actually makes it possible for that crazy Japanese guy to cook and eat all the hotdogs he eats in those professional eating competitions.

But I will stop this rant right now and let my new best friend, the Assimilated Negro, drop a dime on Oscar’s ass…

[Bonus - this freaked me out...bad]