I ran across a post from Seth Godin about telemarketing “Human Battering Rams.” Sadly, many companies still think it is ok to unleash script monkeys who, as Seth points out, are “willing to ignore social convention” when selling a product.

I know it is hard to find good sales people out there, but if you are still sending people out there with nothing but a script and list of phone numbers you are not doing your company any favors.

It reminds me of a great scene in the film Boiler Room (a personal favorite since I was a broker in a boiler room during the .com boom). In the scene Seth, the young stockbroker, gets a call from a newspaper salesman who gives him a scripted sales pitch. When Seth says he is not interested, the newspaper salesman thanks Seth for his time and starts to hang up. Seth stops the salesman and asks him if that is his entire sales pitch. When the salesman says it is, Seth proceeds to give him a fast lesson in selling. I can’t do it much justice here, but let me tell you it’s a great scene if you have ever been in sales.

With that, I must admit that I am very glad to not be selling things as a career these days. As a bonus, now I get a lot of sales calls from people who are trying to sell me things. Come to think of it, I am not sure if that is really a bonus, but I do find it educational and at times amusing.

So, based only on the sales calls I received today, let me give you a list of tips if you are selling things over the phone for a living:

• If I tell you my first name is James, do not call me Mr. James


• Learn a bit about my company before you call me, it is your job


• Never tell me that your product will get me the number one result in Google, MSN and Yahoo for a low monthly fee


• If I ask you if the product mentioned above requires a download, do not respond by saying “come to my Web site and I will show you how it works”


• If I know more about your product than you do, you will not be selling me anything


• If you make facts up, you are going to get caught


• If your product costs $10,000 and I tell you it is worth $100 to my company, thank me for my time and move on


• If I tell you to send over a sample contract, send a sample contract, not an email that says “we do not have a contract, you can cancel anytime!”


• If the conversation starts with 5 minutes of you talking and I do not make any noise at all, I have the phone on mute and I am either doing something else or laughing at you


• If your sales pitch sounds like you are trying to convince yourself your product is good, I am never going to think it is good


• If your innovative product is a touch tone phone menu and a phone dialer, I suggest you spend more time on Monster.com

So good luck to all of you phone jocks out there. I have been there. I feel your pain.